This is the video. Made for the It Gets Fatter Project.
I have a defeatist/fatalist attitude about it because as fat as I may be, as Black, or queer, or poor, I am still invisible. So whenever I speak, I oftentimes feel like, “What’s the point. No one cares, no one hears me anyway. Nothing’s going to change tomorrow.” (No offense to the people who follow me, its a social conditioning I’m trying to break myself of)
I do it anyway.
I write and speak because it’s not only a passion, its a survival/coping mechanism for the pain and emptiness of being invisible. I feel like if I keep talking and keep writing, forcing every word from my throat and every letter onto the page no matter how weary I am, maybe someday, I won’t have to keep “just existing” and keep “just surviving”. I want to live, and I am afraid to say that one of my utmost desires is to have people in my life who are unashamedly biased in my favor and can’t imagine the world without me.
See what happens when you live lovelessly? As a passionate person, you begin to desire all types of love that are unjustifiable and selfish.
Going back to bed now. Its way too early.