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you took the bait, tools, congratulations

Welcome to the land of compromise,

my race will soon be a dead race like hollow white ghosts wearing brown skin,

doing the Harlem shake whenever Scandal and Sherlock comes on,

or whatever, pick your poison,

or should I say anesthetic

come one, come all, reserve your place at the Museum of Natural History–

don’t forget to pay for your ticket

–Queens

My Yahoo inbox will be very lonely from now on.

Why?

Because I opted to stop receiving automatic updates from the only person (a Black writer like me) I follow who updates his blog almost regularly who has content on writing and criticism I thought I might like to read before this year.

Why, you might ask, did I do that? Well, I’ve noticed for some time now that there’s a reason I haven’t read any of his books though I wanted to.

Recently, this queer Black male writer, who I had admired from a distance for a while, published posts on both his blogs about a falling out he had a few weeks ago with a woman of color blogger he considered to be his friend. As an outsider, its not my place to put my nose in their business, pick sides, or have any real personal opinion about it. However, reading posts about the now public spat on both blogs made me realize something about the writer I follow.

The number of posts he writes about shows and books with fandoms that he observes or is himself a part of is baffling, among other things he posts about. As someone who I thought was a good advocate for fiction writers and characters of Color, he has continuously disappoints me by showing just how deeply entrenched, enamored of, and implicated he is in the exact things he claims to criticize, how attached to privilege and whiteness he is. I’m something of a recluse and I don’t watch TV at all unless it comes personally recommended, and even then I resist instinctively. The last time I read anything that had an actual fandom was, like, Harry Potter. That is my subconscious mechanism for resisting the white supremacy and general bigotry that dominates almost everything we see, hear, and read, sSo someone who consumes as much popular television and literature as this writer automatically sends up red flags in my head. And I’m strongly beginning to feel that he’s a part of the “New Age colorblind racists” (“haha, let’s make a blasian baby, Asian stud” or “cool, you’re so pearly and white–I date who I want, I fuck who I want!” but oh of course I can consume massive quantities of white media and remain completely objective when writing a book about Black characters that magically has a predominantly white cast, right–more on New Age colorblind racists later, folks).

I have never read anything from any writer, white or of Color, who consumes massive quantities of the predominantly white media who can or has written anything that I would like to spend my time reading. Which is why I now have a phobia of reading, something I once loved to do. I’m still trying to recover. So sometimes you just are what you eat. Period. Public Service Announcement.

I don’t expect everyone to be like me. I’m out of loop on just about everything and I have nothing to talk to people about because I don’t engage in that type of stuff. But I’m way less stressed than I used to be, and that’s saying a lot. My choice not to engage is my choice. Shit just gives off bad vibes, it messes with my head and sends my mind into overload, so I don’t do it a lot because I tune into it and see what it is at its base level for people and character of Color. I only consume a little at a time these days, and that’s plenty.

What I’m saying here is that so many Black writers/viewers/readers are fan-girling over shallow prime time trash–absolutely loving it, never questioning it in any real or substantial capacity, trying to have their cake and eat it too, calling it fun, calling it distraction, kowtowing to please the masses of drooling sheep people who feed off the same white drama-laden pop culture crack–that they can’t see that they’re selling out. (And by “shallow prime trash” I mean stuff that doesn’t feature People of Color in any meaningful or complete way, especially Black women.) They are cogs in the machine and their feeble attempts aren’t stopping the gears from grinding anymore, if anything, they’re greasing the sucker up. Some people actively ignore what’s wrong with it or refuse to see it as a conflict of fucking interests.

I’m done wondering if what I’m saying is judgmental for the time being, people, this is really what I think. and I have to be honest about that shit I don’t like.

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