, , , , , ,

Question: What’s one of the most common intersections of Black femininity and fatness? Answer: Everybody’s always telling fat Black women to “grow a tough skin”.

Me being a passionate person and a victim of abuse, I have never claimed to be “indifferent” to fat hate. It has shaped and wrung my perception of my body and I don’t think I’ll ever wake up someday and go, “Wow, I’m over that, totally feel nothing” when I get dozens of messages telling me to kill myself and calling me a fat ugly landwhale nigger in my inbox and people making assumptions about my health, not when I have someone who comes into my bedroom and proceeds to inform me about some random cab driver’s approval or disapproval of my fatness.

I’m not indifferent. I’m not fucking indifferent–good for you people who are–I’m not. I have feelings and its not me who needs to change.

On much of the internet, there is little real discussion of the experiences of fat Black women. On tumblr, its a bunch of arrogant militant and academic fat women looking down their noses at everybody, or the bubbly vain, overprivileged white fat girls, or girls with perfectly hourglass bodies complaining about how bad they got it. Militant/academic fat, pretty/glamor fat, self-proclaimed ugly fats and pep fats make up the majority of people calling themselves fat activists. What they all have in common is that they are not helping fat people on how to actually live, trying to reach out, they are teaching them what it takes in order to simply survive–either through body privilege (like having height or a typical feminine shape like the hourglass) or by presenting themselves as “battle-hardened” fats. The latter, the dead-eyed militant fats, are the worst, because they spend a good portion of their time ignoring or publicly psychoanalyzing the resistance of every fat person with actual feelings about what they’re going through living while fat. They’re no better than Black women/people who tell little Black girls “to grow a thick skin”, as if this is the answer to all life’s problems.

Recently I shut down my blog where I talked about my experiences as a fat person because the community on tumblr is so toxic from both sides. Supposed allies are shit and the fat haters are hardly worth anybody’s time but just as much a pain in the ass to witness. This is also the reason I will be deleting my original tumblr account. I’m cutting some shit out of my life. The fat acceptance movement has lost a lot of credibility for me and I’m officially washing my hands of it.